It's Poly, Dammit!

My mother, to her credit, has more or less readily accepted the poly part of my life.  She met previous girlfriends and currently considers Stuart another son-in-law (as does my stepfather).  When they come to town, they demand to see all of three of us.  If Stuart elects not to go, I am questioned thoroughly as to where he is.  She's been trying to get me to bring him "home" for Christmas (which we are finally doing this year).  Our Sunday phone calls almost always include questions are how both Edward and Stuart are doing followed by an update on the animals.  My mother is in her 60's and for her to accept all of this is pretty fucking cool.  I know that.  But...  


She still thinks I'm a swinger.  


I have explained to her countless times the difference between polyamory and swinging.  Yet she refuses to believe that I'm not having sex with my friends.  


At my 30th birthday party which was held at a very nice Mexican restaurant with people from all parts of my life, she leaned over and whispered "Who else are you having sex with here?"  


Most recently, as I was telling her about some folks we camped with this year at Burning Man who happened to be swingers, she asked "Did you swing with them?"  (Even more stunning was that she asked this after I had already told her that they were "her age."  But, my mother has very selective hearing so I suspect she didn't hear that part.)  OY.  


(As an aside, I feel compelled to note that I was rather impressed with our swinger campmates.  They have been swingers for years and there was absolutely NO drama.  That is a rarity with anyone who chooses to have some type of open relationship.)  


They say good fences make good neighbors.  And good boundaries make good poly relationships.  This is precisely WHY I have very firm boundaries and do not step outside them without lots of discussion and forethought.  Sure, there are times when it would be nice not to have to get signed permission slips from both husbands....  but this works.  And it's honest and ethical.  


I think swinging is my mother's deviant "baseline".  She understands swinging which is probably why she always goes back to that.  I try to keep this in mind but it's still frustrating.  I have explained to her over and over again that this whole situation is really rather wholesome - it's very much Little House on The Prairie with an extra Charles and animals instead of children.  


It's interesting to think that in spite of the sense of family the three of us have, my mother has just assumed that The Lady Garden is open for business.  


Eh, not so much.  New gardeners don't get hired very often.  And there's a LOT of paperwork...