<Originally posted elsewhere on November 21st, 2008>
Insider stock tip: Buy Excedrin Migraine shares. I think I just might be on it for the rest of my life.
I saw the doctor again this week and told her in no uncertain terms that if I'm going to feel that stoned again, it might as well be in a dark basement with Funions, Oreos, and an assorted bunch of losers.
She collected a headache history and it turns out that my migraines are rather atypical. They don't exist on one side of my head. I don't have an extreme sensitivity to light (although I do have an extreme sensitivity to assholes but that's an all-the-time condition and probably not related to my brain maladies). I don't have food or activity triggers. I don't have premonitory triggers like random sleepiness, euphoria or intense cravings for salty or sweet snacks (unless it's shark week but then again, cookies are always good).
She prescribed Elavil which is a tricyclic antidepressant that is used off-label for migraine prevention. She also suggested a magnesium supplement which I went out and purchased immediately.
Elavil is another story. So far, my super exact online research has yielded less-than-impressive stats for Elavil. It seems to have about a 60% success rate for migraine prevention. There are a lot of complaints about brain fogginess (awww, hell no), intense fatigue, and substantial weight gain (which would probably give me a headache of a different kind - find me any sane woman that would trade continual fat clothes shopping for a lack of headaches).
The other option we discussed was Imitrex which apparently has caveats of another kind entirely. Current generation Imitrex can apparently cause tingling in the extremities, shortness of breath, chest pain and pretty much the classic symptoms OF A HEART ATTACK. The only way she will prescribe this wonder drug for me is if I come TO her office WITH a migraine. She will dose me and then I will be forced to sit in the waiting room for an hour or two so I can monitored. If I fail to present heart attack symptoms, I can go home with a prized prescription.
Seriously, these are my options? Nearly every medication I've researched to deal with migraines is either off-label now or was off-label at some point. Which tells me that the folks in the little while lab coats (and I'm referring to the science-y lab coats vs. they're-coming-to-take-me-away-ha-ha coats although that may not be far behind) are not too interested in those of us walking around with blinding headaches and subsequential stabbiness. Probably not enough money in that although if enough of us dismember our spouses, public awareness just might go up.
This will be the juncture when I decide to investigate alternative treatments. This will be the time when my health insurance will giggle incessantly while I allow myself to be pricked with needles, hard-sold on the virtues of bat poop and potentially master cleansed. The icing, of course, will be that NONE of this is covered by my health insurance so I will have the joy handing over hard-earned cash along with a few stray pieces of pocket lint. Swell.
In the meantime, my Elavil prescription remains folded up neatly in my wallet... destined to become pocket lint when it "accidentally" goes through the washing machine. Oopsie.
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