Is it wrong to say that I'm counting down to my flight to Denver tomorrow? I think I truly hate the Midwest. Even though my hometown is definitely very urban, I think one could easily culturally suffocate here.
Everybody here is truly obssessed with the weather. The forecasters were predicting a large snowstorm (pronounced snow-starm because we're not so fond of the letter "o" here in the shaw-me-state). It was all over the news. My mother and stepfather watched raptly last night as the newcasters showed the same graph of how much snow each area was predicted to get over and over. I finally sought refuge in reality TV downstairs because I was fairly sure there wouldn't be any talk of "snow", "thundersnow" or "It's gonna be a big one."
My mother claims that the news people sensationalize the weather and that she doesn't care as much. However, when she visits me, she will ask me about 500 times what the weather is going to be like. I told her that I spoke to Edward last night and she said "Oh, what is your weather like?" Yeah.
I went to the grocery store with my mother yesterday and was both amused and horrified to see two giant freezers in the back of the store labeled "Mexican" and "Oriental." Apparently, the rednecks here didn't get the memo that oriental is a rather dated term only used for rugs and that Asian is the more appropriate term. And, because they're so ethnically sensitive, they've managed to shove two vastly different cultures into side-by-side freezers. That just might be assimilation at it's finest.
The other night, my mom came downstairs to say goodnight to me and the following questions were posed:
"Is your bed comfortable? Do you want me to turn the fan on? Are you hungry? I can get you something from upstairs. That pillow looks a little flat, I should get you a new one. Do you have enough blankets? Maybe I should open this vent? Are you cold? ..." And on and on and on.
These questions came of course AFTER I told her that I was just fine and didn't need anything.
My mother is making a white chicken chili tonight which sounded lovely until I realized she was pan frying the chicken. WHY??? It's going to be shredded anyway.
I'm starting to think the old visitors and fish stink after 3 days rule applies to the midwest as well. It's sorta fun to come back here and eat the regional things that I miss but I am ready to leave pretty damn fast. (Although we did have a brush with celebrity Sunday night - we saw the woman who plays "Phyllis" on The Office at the very popular local frozen custard stand.)
I have about 24 hours left in the land of weather-mania and everything-tastes-better-soaked-in-oil. I plan to keep my head down, avoid the local news and try not to ingest more butter or oil than is absolutely necessary (I think I just might kill for Edward's tofu and veggies in peanut sauce right about now.)
Get me the fuck out of here.
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