Really? Part II

<Originally posted elsewhere on August 11th, 2008>


The latest and greatest episode of "Really?" comes again courtesy of my mother. 

Our usual Sunday phone chat started off on a somber note because the events of last week left me feeling rather down and drained.  I explained exactly that when she asked me what was wrong. 

Her response was "Yeah, those things are hard" and she quickly moved onto another topic. 

I was sort of stunned that she had glossed over the fact that I had to go to a funeral for a 23 year old who killed himself but decided that instead of getting angry, I would just try to end the conversation as soon as possible. 

She did manage to redeem herself by swinging back around to that topic and asking questions about the funeral, how was C doing, etc.?  I started to feel slightly better about things and answered all of the questions she had. 

She then took that opportunity to ask me why I didn't attend my grandma's funeral last year.  Hey, we're talking about funerals - OF COURSE this is an appropriate time to bring that up.  


She's never made any secret about the fact that she was unhappy that I chose not to go.  Of course, she never outright asked me to go either.  I made the decision about what would be best for me and she chose to express her feelings in passive aggressive ways which I chose to ignore.  She has also never asked me directly why I didn't go... until now.  Her inquiries have usually been passive-aggressive martyr-type statements that I refuse to allow to engage me. 

If I'd had a clear head, I would have said right away that this was an inappropriate conversation at a rather inappropriate time.  But I don't have a clear head much lately so I took the bait and proceeded to explain that I didn't want to participate in socially prescribed ways to mourn my Gram and that I didn't want the last image of her in my head to be of her in a box on the steps of a church she never attended. 

Post conversation, I started to get angry that she'd been so insensitive and so selfish.  It bothered me all afternoon until I decided to send her a note right before bed. 

I said that I was okay with her not liking my decision not to go.  I said I was okay with whatever negative thoughts she had about me because of it.  I said I was even okay with having multiple discussions about it.  What I was not okay with was her timing and explained why. 

Her response?  "Yes.  Sorry." 

*sigh*

Yeah.  Me too.