Happy Valentard's Day

<Originally posted elsewhere on February 14th, 2009>


As a kid, I loved Valentine's Day.  I couldn't wait to start in on my "valentine's mailbox", which was essentially a shoebox pimped out with foil, glitter, stickers and as many construction paper hearts as would fit.  (Tell me I'm not the only one who did this?!?!?!)  I could barely stand still in the store as I carefully chose my box of pre-packaged valentines for which I hoped would ultimately deem me as cool - a suave combination of cartoon fun with a little sophistication thrown in for good measure.

Usually, on a Saturday afternoon, I would settle in with my box, my brightest colored markers and I would have to have the same conversation with my mom of years past.

"I really have to give one to every single person in class?"

"Yes, you do."

(I'll just note here that I am grateful that probably many parents had this same exact conversation with their child.  Were it not for this conversation, I might have had a mostly empty valentine's box as I was a pretty nerdy kid and something of an outcast because I had.... shhhhhh....  divorced parents.  Having two Christmases was yet to be cool.)

We'd all wait eagerly for the half-day mark to come so we could start the Valentine's party (except for the Jehovah's Witness kid who had to leave for every party - I always wondered why his parents hated him so much).  There were valentines, candy, and little girls giggling over pink things.  What's not to like?  


Valentine's Day took a decidedly different turn in high school where we used it as measure of self worth by how much your boyfriend spent on you.  It was fashionable to have flowers delivered to your classroom but the rule was that you had to look slightly annoyed about lugging them around the rest of the day even though you could barely stop the "I win!  I win!" thoughts running through your mind.

I was perpetually single and never the recipient of classroom flowers so I deemed Valentine's Day the holiday of the sheep.  (Of course, the one year I had a boyfriend for Valentine's Day, I was a senior and he was away at college.  I believe he gave me a single rose on our date closest to Valentine's Day but this was not useful for making everyone aware of my crappy-chocolate-and-pathetic-stuffed-bear worthiness.  Additionally, this was the guy who thought it was hilarious to send me funeral cards for my birthday.  I find it amusing now, but back then, I was furious with him for "doing it wrong.")

There was a four week period when I was 18 that I was single but aside from that, I've had a partner for Valentine's Day for the last fifteen-or-so-ishly years.

Early on in that time, it was really important to me to celebrate Valentine's Day.  Why?  Because that's what you do.  It's how you let everyone know that another human being has independently and without the help of mind altering drugs (hopefully) decided to be in a relationship with you.  It's a public declaration that you (probably) do not suck.

Perhaps the magic has been sucked away by real life or my priorities have changed, but I now regard Valentine's Day much the same way I regard Christmas.  If you can't show me that you love me the rest of the year, a cellophane wrapped bear and box of Whitman's isn't going to do your talking for you.  (And likewise, if you don't talk to me the rest of the year, sending me a Christmas card acknowledging that I haven't bit it yet is rather pointless.  I will likely scribble back a reciprocal pointless and meaningless card - "Happy Holidays!  We need to catch up soon!" and then we can both feel empty and irrelevant.  Yes, that was a meaningful exchange!)  


I still like Valentine's Day for the heart-shaped boxes of chocolate covered don't-know-what-it-is-til-you-bite-into-it, but that's about it.  And perhaps it's an excuse to eat a slightly more decadent dinner than usual but I really don't need any particular encouragement to do that other than saying "Hey!  Let's eat a slightly more decadent dinner than usual."  But more importantly, I love my family and my friends year-round.

So, if you're rushing out today to buy the requisite bear and candy, you've probably missed the point.   It's far more fun to go to the store together, see the sheer desperation as usually clueless guys try to pick out stuff that will not cause their significant others to go batshit angry, and buy your overpriced heart shaped chocolate feeling smug that you aren't one of "those people."  (Bonus points if you get in a fake fight at the cashier about who gets to eat the caramel AND who gets to be tied up tonight.)