Angry Birds

I sat at the table with a group of friends...  people I've known (and loved) for years.  I wanted to leave.  And because I couldn't leave without causing a scene, I started to think about much I hated each person at the table.  

I hated her because of her martyr-y attitude.  How she behaves so put upon although nearly every single duty is something for which she eagerly volunteered.  

I hated her (a different her) because of her rampant narcissism.  There is no genuine heartfelt "How are you?  No, really, how ARE you?"  

And he...  well, he garnered my wrath for a variety of reasons - not being able to behave in public, for starters.  

This isn't me.  And it's not how I feel.  Usually.  Thanks to a drug cocktail designed to return my nasal passages into something at least marginally functional, I'm stuck on a steroidal hellish mood swing roller coaster.  Yippee, motherfucker.  

It's awful being overcome by "fake" feelings.  I intensely dislike having to manage something that isn't my fault and isn't even permanent.  It's like a super annoying excessive gum chewing temp was given a corner of my office without my permission.  She makes loud phone calls, histrionically emotes about every little thing and has no awareness whatever of the space she's occupying.  I want to staple her lips shut and poke holes in her face until all of the life falls out. 

But I can't fire her without causing other problems.  She is a means to an end.  And unfortunately, we have several more weeks together.  Try as I might to keep her bound and gagged in the corner, she is still able to wrench free for the sole purpose of causing imbalance and upset in my emotional Jenga game.   

In regular MeowOnFire land, I struggle with the personalities of others.  I get frustrated and irritated easily.  It's a constant regulation of reminding myself that other people are not like me (why the fuck not?) and that is OKAY.  Okay.  It's okay.  And I usually get there.  Eventually.  And if I don't, I construct a bunch of boundaries around myself until I feel better.  ("Please excuse the inconvenience.  The moat bridge is currently broken and there is no access to the Princess.")      

But now, in my heightened agro eye-scraping state, people are a general nuisance.  They're put in my path to further test my will and continually prove to myself that I can avoid killing them.

I have an indescribable desire to dig furiously into the backyard and make myself a very deep hole where I will live until I finish this prescription and can return to my normal semi well adjusted state of mostly doing alright in the world (and avoiding compound run-on sentences).  The problem with that?  Scorpions are REALLY annoying...