Tick-Tock

I love cats.  I've had cats my entire life and really cannot foresee having a life that doesn't include the moody but loving creatures.  And yet, I understand and respect the fact that there are people in this world who do not think cats are 15 kinds of awesome.


So, why is it that parents have such a hard time understanding that others don't necessarily find their babies fascinating or that baby drool is actually pretty gross?


I am in my 30's-ish.  Which means that many of my friends are in prime baby-making stage and this is, to be honest, a pretty big bummer.  People with whom I've spent many a drunken night and hatched devious, stupid, and silly plots are now choosing to waste the best years of their lives (we're assuming) with a screaming, wiggling, pooping machine.  Let's face it - if babies were available for adoption at the Humane Society, they'd be last.  They aren't furry, they aren't funny (babies in paper bags just don't do it for me), and there's no guarantee they'll take care of you when you're old.  They'll probably give you gray hair, drink your good vodka when you aren't looking and demand you pay for college.


My cats have never asked for an education, don't touch my booze and are much better for my stress levels than a stress-ball.  Occasionally, one of them requires dingleberry removal but I consider that a small price to pay for never having to be a soccer mom or make rice krispie treats because my offspring "forgot" to tell me that she needs them for a school party.
Do I hate children?  No.  Not really.  Well, okay.  Occasionally.  Mostly when I'm trying to enjoy a nice meal and the parents near me are oblivious to the fact that I'm sucking down my margarita much faster than the surgeon general recommends in order to make the screaming go away.  So perhaps it's more fair to say that I dislike inattentive parents.


Because the biological clocks around me are ticking madly, my relationships with certain friends are changing. It's awkward, it's uncomfortable and it makes me sad.  I still love them and want to support their life choices.  But supporting their life choices means wearing my noise-canceling earphones and I'm not willing to do that for an entire evening.  I struggle with feeling like a bad person because I don't want to be around someone's children.  My codependency flares up something awful when I feel like I'm rejecting someone whom I really do love because choosing to spend time with them means choosing to spend time with their child and I really don't have that many free weekends so...


I'm sorry I can't attend your baby shower.  My cat has a dingleberry.