<insert witty yet touching anecdote about depression here>
I slept well. I've been eating well. And yet the only thing I feel motivated to do is to lay on the couch and watch The Real Housewives of Somewhere until my eyes turn glassy.
Depression is a sneaky son of a bitch. Sometimes it's triggered by what I not-really-affectionately refer to as Days of Suck. And sometimes it hovers over you as you sleep just waiting to claim your soul as your eyes open. (Wes Craven? Are you listening? There's a really good movie here.)
My guess is that the yuck of yesterday is still clinging to me like a desperate prom date.
My husband is leaving his job soon. He's been gainfully employed for the last 8 months at Seemingly-Profitable-Yet-Sketchy-About-How-We-Make-Cheddar Incorporated. The company is quickly falling apart as it's business model has become public knowledge and people realize that they are unfamiliar with ethical business practices. So, for probably the 5th time in 5 years, our health insurance is changing. We started the process last night of procuring individual health insurance. I have concerns about being denied and our plan, of course, will not be as good as the plan we're on now.
I have a number of prescriptions. And I have several doctors. And trying to figure how I'm going to juggle this with the current insurance, the possible gap we have between old insurance and new insurance, and getting settled with the new insurance is making my brain hurt.
So, instead of making lists and spreadsheets to keep everything neat and organized, I'm going for the next best (and far easier) option. Apathy. I'm going to swing by the seat of my pants on this one. It's really the only option as I'm quite confident that trying to figure this all out is The Very Worst Word Problem That You Save Until Last On Your Homework And Even Then, You Still Phone It In. And trying to actually deal with it would probably make my head explode, like what I imagine would happen in space. (Having my head explode in space would actually be sort of acceptable because it would be preceded by drinking Tang out of the air. I just drank Tang out of the air! What else is left?)
My other partner is currently plagued by an intestinal parasite that he picked up on our recent trip to Europe. I'm familiar with this parasite because I've been very responsible about watching my Discovery shows about wilderness survival and I know you should never drink stream water that hasn't been filtered or treated. And yet he has managed to contract it on a luxury riverboat.
I'm going to forgo being productive today and allow depression to snuggle on the couch with me. We'll eat snacks, watch TV, and possibly read books. There won't be a lot of conversation because depression is kind of a buzzkill. We have already cleaned out a closet which was less about being productive and more about seeking the unnatural high I get from throwing things away. Hopefully by tomorrow, he'll have tip-toed to the next house because I'm not sure I have the energy to evict him.
Apathy... Party of None.
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