Angry Johnny

I have just returned from 5 days in the Midwest.  This trip had a few unusual perks - I had both partners with me, we stayed in our own place and we had a vehicle.  I got to see two longtime friends and be a little more of a tourist in my hometown (which, admittedly, was fun).  


I haven't yet been home12 hours.  My ears have mostly popped, I've unpacked and already have laundry started.  And I realize that I'm angry.  Really angry.  


I've reached a point of no return with my mother.  The older I get, the less we have in common and the less I enjoy her company.  This, in and of itself, is guilt-inducing because I know there will be a day in not too distant future when she's not around.  


However...  I also cannot ignore the overwhelming desire to shake her violently.  My mother is in her mid 60's but has the coping skills and maturity of a 10 year old.  Does this make me sound elitist?  Damn fucking right it does.  I've spent much of my adult life in therapy learning how to be a mature person with appropriate coping skills and appropriate boundaries.  My mother's approach has been to find a partner who will cater to her whims and SOMEHOW ignore the fact that she's never really grown up emotionally.  


Cases in point:  


We had reservations for Christmas brunch.  My mother was unhappy with where our table was located in relation to the buffet.  She asked the hostess if we could move to a closer table.  The hostess went to check and while she was gone, my mother complained loudly about how long it was taking.  When the hostess returned, she explained that all the tables were reserved and we could not be moved.  My mother said "But I just had knee surgery and can't walk that far."  The first part is true, the second part... not so much.  The wait staff offered to get/carry her plates for her while my mother remained silent.  As we started to settle at our table (which was rather pleasant because we were away from loud children/people), my mother loudly said "And I made these reservations MONTHS AGO."  The hostess again apologized while my mother continued to grumble.  When she doesn't get what she wants, she will often treat the wait staff poorly.  It's kind of like ignoring your best friend as of yesterday at lunch today.  Really fucking childish.  


And THEN...  she had her heart set on taking us to a brewery for lunch on our last day.  We realized it would be our last chance to eat at a local fast food restaurant that Edward and I love and had been talking up to Stuart for oh... five years.  I told her that we would prefer to do that instead.  She opted not to join us for lunch at all.   


My therapist says that resentment is poison for relationships.  And I resent the hell out of the fact that my mother behaves in the way that she does.  


Ultimately, I know that if there was ever a time to summon my superhero coping skills, this is it.  But I don't know if I'll ever truly be able to silence the child who really feels she deserved a better role model.