Depression Rules

Depression is an evil mistress that can manifest itself in seemingly insignificant ways all the way up the Blues Grande which generally involves unwashed hair and boatloads of shame.  It can be ninja sneaky or it can arrive with the fanfare of the histrionic aunt who arrives at Thanksgiving and does not shut up.  Ever.  


As difficult it is for me to get a lasso around these slippery devils, I know it's arguably even more difficult to watch someone you love get sucked into the Hole of Gloom.  So, this is a survival guide of sorts.  Some rules of engagement for interacting with, loving, and tolerating your very own Daria...  


1. Being codependent just makes it worse.  While I get that it comes from a place of love and concern, I already feel like a loser because I can't just "fix it" and then I feel even worse because it's affecting you so profoundly as well.  After while, I feel pissy about the repeated queries of whether I'm okay.  NO.  I'm not.  But THAT is okay.  You being unhealthy while I'm already unhealthy is adding emotional food poisoning to an already terrible meal.


2. You can't fix it.  No matter how much you want to.        


3. It's helpful to remember that depression doesn't tend to have a short shelf life.  It generally arrives for a sizeable visit and asking me 8 hours later if I'm "still depressed" makes me want to throw the newest (and largest) edition of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders at you.  I would be willing to open a Twitter account so I could tweet the exact moment I feel better in order to avoid this.    


4. You still can't fix it.  You can bring me flowers, chocolate and coloring books.  And while those may lift my spirits temporarily, sugar cannot fix a chemical imbalance.  If it could, Betty Crocker would have changed her business plan years ago.  


5. Please don't tell me what I *should* do.  If ground up newt genitals could cure depression, I would have my own newt farm in the backyard.  Trust that I've investigated the plethora of options and am doing what I feel is best.  


6. Learn what depression really is.  A somewhat depressed person may kill you for telling him or her to "cheer up."  If you must dole out this intensely ridiculous advice, find a very depressed person as they will not have the energy to inflict bodily harm.  Probably.  (And consider whether you would suggest to a diabetic that they learn "how to process insulin better.")     


7. You still can't fix it.  But I love you for wanting to.


8. I rationally get that completing a small list of relatively easy tasks isn't a massive to-do list, but even the smallest of things can seem insurmountable.  Trying to "understand" why we're overwhelmed isn't probably terribly productive for either of us.  And usually, you want to understand so you can fix.  But as we've briefly discussed, you cannot.  


9. This doesn't end.  The light of the end of the tunnel could be daylight or it could be another train.  I know this.  You should also know this.  Just as a diabetic's pancreas won't fix itself, my brain won't either.  And if you suggest I "work on being more positive", I will add shanking you to my small list of easy tasks.


10. As unsatisfying as it is, there often isn't a why.  As much as I WANT to be a logical mass of neurons, I'm not.  So when you ask me why I'm depressed, I feel compelled to find a reason even if there isn't one.  The fact that it exists without rhyme or reason is more frustrating to me than it is to you.  And would if I could, I'd get you a little shot glass of it so you could have a small taste of my What-The-Fuck juice.


11.  You can't fix it.  


12. Nope.