As I sit here with a highball of whiskey and nibbling on nursing home crackers with teeth that may or may not be my own, I thought you should know some things. Sort of like a letter from the future without the need for a flux capacitor. This might help you navigate the art of living and trust me when I say it IS an art.
Good job on reigning in the co-dependence. Now, you cannot rid yourself of it entirely because then you would not be you, but feeling responsible for everyone and everything around you is far too much work for an old lady like yourself (or myself. Same difference). Keep an eye on it because it will run away if not leashed carefully. Don't you waste any more of your time chasing it.
You spend far too much criticizing yourself for "not measuring up." Whatever that means. Stop it.
I'm proud of you for not following convention. While it may not be socially acceptable to be child-free and have more than one partner, YOU GO GIRL. (Better to be picking up condom wrappers than Barbie shoes, right?)
Stop experiencing loss before it happens. You'll spend far too much time grieving this way. That little kitty of yours? He won't be around forever. You know that. But love and cherish him every single second of right now. Deal with the loss when it happens and stop "pre-doing" it because you think it will make things easier. It won't.
Breathe. All the time. Bad things will happen if you don't. And blue isn't your color.
Your instincts are good but need a little tempering. Remember your friend who told you in your 20's to "guard your heart and love with abandon"? Yeah. Do that. More.
Cheers to good boundaries. You learned well. Continue honoring yourself and those around you.
Trust in your abilities to handle negative situations and negative emotions. You've got this. (And when you don't, take today off and get it tomorrow.)
Remember that much of the "friend worship" you see around you is about politics, manipulation, and elevating one's sense of self worth. Trust me, you WANT to be left out of that. Continuing to be neutral gives you much more space to move around.
Take more chances. And re-read the part about trusting in your abilities.
Love your body. And if that's impossible, try to at least have a civil relationship with it. Say good morning when you step out to get the paper and maybe borrow a cup of sugar once in a while.
Appreciate yourself. It's nice to feel appreciation from others, but relying on that is a mistake.
Keep your coping phrase "There is more than one way to do things" close at hand. You will never stop needing it.
Be the person that Stuart's dogs think you are. The one that makes them homemade dog treats and accepts being sneezed on and pawed on the boob.
Keep having fun. Never stop.
Love,
Your 85 year old self who may or may not running around naked at a swinger resort in the Caribbean
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