I had a moment the other day where I thought I was crazy. Like, actually, justifiably hug-yourself-jacket crazy. And that got me to thinking... How does crazy happen?
Does it come bursting through your bedroom door in the middle of the night with guns blazing? Or does it whisper quietly to you until washing your socks in the toilet seems like a completely normal thing to do?
Is there a definitive moment where you think to yourself "I am crazy. Rocks are neat"? Or do you spiral down into your own personal nutscape until bathing yourself every day is a distant memory?
I'd like to know when I go crazy. I'd like to celebrate with a dessert and maybe a few friends (nothing crazy...). We could take turns going around the room and memorializing whatever sane things people can remember about me. Maybe we could let balloons go outside. We could draw lopsided faces on the balloons with extra ears and eyes. (Because, as you may recall, I am crazy now.)
I've often wondered what happens in the brain that causes crazy. Is it like a plank from a wooden bridge that's rotted away? Does a synapse passive aggressively throw his pencil down and leave in a huff? Perhaps formal notice is given. "It's been really great working with you all but it's my time to go. Yes, I know it won't be the same without me. Could whoever is controlling her limbs give her a whack in the face so she realizes something is wrong? Thanks. Oh, and Roger, stop hogging all the Jolly Ranchers. They're for everyone."
We all know that once you die, that's pretty much it. Is it the same for being crazy? Is it just one way or are round trips possible? I'm not suggesting that frequent flier miles are the way to go, but it might be nice to do a quick weekend getaway. Perspective and all that. I have to imagine mundane adult responsibilities become more appealing once you've spent the weekend defending your castle from evil toothbrushes bent on destruction.
I see the appeal of taking a walk (albeit a small one) on Mad-ison Avenue. Spending one's life hopping from one sane decision to another? Now that's crazy.
